Big Amy’s Weddings!

I have just been reading about the ex-Glamour model who was found guilty but given a conditional discharge for having married 5 husbands, without ever being divorced, but with the help of name changes.   I loved the comment that her first husband had gone off on an Army posting, and they had just lost touch.  I can see how that happens – in the 18th century! But with emails, face-book, mobile phones etc., loosing touch with your husband isn’t easy!

Glamour girls have such a short shelf life, and it is good to have an alternative career plan for when the work dries up.  Having planned 5 weddings, and with such secrecy and in record time, I think the obvious career choice would be to become a Wedding Planner.   Wouldn’t trust her completely with all the legal paperwork, but the girl can obviously plan a party.  I have the name all sorted too, Big amy’s Weddings!  She’s sure to be onto a winner!

It is easy to laugh at such a comical situation when read in the newspaper,  but the truth of the matter is that bigamy is the cruelest act of fraud, hearts get broken, lives ruined, not to mention an expensive experience for whoever foots the bill.  I am no expert in these matters, but it does make me wonder how a man would have been treated in the same circumstances, and how much more sympathy his brides would have got than her grooms were afforded.  It seems to me that because her victims were men, then their feelings didn’t count as much.   I hope that the lady in question gets the medical attention she so obviously needs, and the men in question can get on with their own lives, and can eventually enjoy the happiness of a real marriage.

Weddings are a serious business, but they are just the start of a life time of commitment.  If you want the wedding more than the marriage, maybe its time to stop and really think about what you are doing.  Wedding insurance is great, and covers so many eventualities, but there isn’t a cold feet clause.    Many years ago I knew a bride who had been planning her day, long before she met the groom.   When she finally met a man that fitted in with her plans, the wedding was booked, the plan was put into action, and a extravaganza was organised.  It was an excellent do, and she did look beautiful.   9 months later, divorce was underway, because she didn’t actually love him, and although he fit the space beside her in the wedding photo’s very well, he didn’t fit beside her in every day life.  He hadn’t changed and he still loved her, but her focus was now on living with him, cooking his tea and sharing the bathroom. Somehow she hadn’t considered all of this before the wedding.   Its not just women, men get buyers remorse too.  I know of a chap who woke up 18 months after a most perfect of weddings, with a pregnant wife and the prospect of being a dad looming, and he realised (after meeting a younger, more attractive girl)  that he was with the wrong woman, and he didn’t want any of it. He eventually did the honorable thing and stuck with his wife and baby, and I believe they worked it all out in the end, but the consequences of that time were absolutely devastating to everyone involved, and left a life time of them both wondering ‘what if’…  ‘ and ‘if only…’                

The lesson to be learnt from these is that, if in any doubt – talk about it, let your partner know your worries and fears, and give them a chance to allay them.  If you still have doubts, there is no harm in postponing for a while, a relationship doesn’t have to end if marriage isn’t right for now, it might just have to have a little more time to develop. No-one wants someone to marry them because the feel they have too, it has to be for love, and it has to be what you both want.    If however you have been engaged for 12 years, and still marriage isn’t feeling right, you may have to concede  that perhaps marriage isn’t for everyone.   A wedding is a lovely event, no matter how much it costs or how lavish and is enjoyed for a few hours, remembered for years to come, but a marriage is a lifetime commitment, hopefully enjoyed as someone  once said,  ’til death us do part’.  

So, as long as all parties involved are legal, consenting and above all absolutely willing, a wedding is the end of the planning stage, and the beginning of the journey.  It can be as adventurous and as thrilling as you want it to be, but most of all, it has to be enjoyable.  Doesn’t mean it is easy, but you have to have a laugh, lots of love and fun along the way.  

My dear friend Sprig (90), who I adored, was a real gentleman with a twinkle in his eye.  About 18 months after his beautiful wife and my most special of friends, had passed away, we were having a cup of tea, our last together as he died suddenly in his sleep a few days later. We were talking about his wife of more than 60 years,  ‘She was my girl, and I am lost without her, we looked after each other.  I enjoyed every minute we had together, but it all went by so fast when I was with her, and it goes so slowly now she isn’t here, – I wouldn’t change a thing, and  I would do it all again, but I don’t enjoy life without her in it’.   He then told me to make the most of every day that I shared with my husband, and make all the memories good ones.     A couple of months later my husband signed his wedding anniversary card to me   ‘I will be your Sprig’.    I didn’t think I could love him more, but I do.  (that was until the other week when he said I was ‘Sniveling’  when really I was shedding tears of sadness and pride – you can really go off someone . Good job I love him, and we are in it until the ‘death’ – though if he ever says  I am sniveling again that may come around quicker than he thinks!)

Sue x